thus making me awesome and them whores
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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