i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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