Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
