i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
