A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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