i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
