I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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