Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
