every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
