you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
