I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
