she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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