We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
sarcasm needs its own font
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
