found the other keg... it's in the tree
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
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New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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