I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
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