the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Oh god it's open bar.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
