An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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