if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize