Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
