Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
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