we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
