so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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