Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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