you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
