glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
