U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
