wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
