Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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