U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
