"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
