Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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