Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
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I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
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You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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