he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
