She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
