I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
