i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
pop tarts are not kleenex
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
