We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize