i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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