I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
