dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
