I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
