can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
