I wanna passion pit in your ass
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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