is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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