today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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