found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
