Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
