I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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