then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
