I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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