i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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