I'm so fucking centered right now
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
