he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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