can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
