uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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