WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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