Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
What a dumb baby whore.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
