i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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