but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
