God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
