The best revenge is premature balding
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
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