nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
and you fell through a lawn chair
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
