I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Couch. On fire.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
