College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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