What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
