you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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