Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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