I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
