Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
honey bunches of taint.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
