Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
