So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
