mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
