Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
