I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize