Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
A+ Viking dick
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
