and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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