Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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