We named our party play list daddy issues
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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