You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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