grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize