sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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