Moan for me like Helen Keller
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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