i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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