I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
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I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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