Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
