I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My feet surprised me
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