I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
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you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
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Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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