I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
