Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
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in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
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Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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