then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
