An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Don't tell me you're on acid again
This toilet bowl is my home.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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