Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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