Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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