it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
