we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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