I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
