Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Vodka?
Forever.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
